Let me be honest about one thing I hate with myself. I am insecure. Ever since I gave birth, I started to feel losyang. Then when my husband talks about other ladies being beautiful, I start to become mad at myself. Mad that I cant be beautiful like them, sexy like them, or desirable like them. But after so many unwanted thoughts about my own self-esteem, I started to realize why...why I am feeling like this. What are missing? Why in the first place I became so insecure?
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photo from nuttytimes.com
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| photo from Zaki Reza |
Then I imagined how I like to compare things. This is better than that...this is worse than this and alas! I found the magic word. COMPARE. My insecurities came from too much comparing. Maybe those pretty girls my husband is seeing are truly more beautiful and sexier than reality. Wait let's revise. Those pretty girls are beautiful, and I am beautiful too in my own ways! If I am so ugly then in the first place he wouldn't want me to be his wife. I could remember him saying, "Kahit pangit ang ugali at katawan mo, mahal pa rin kita." (Even if you do have an ugly personality and ugly body I still love you.) That's hard! I understand him for saying this and I am sorry for all the hurting words I ever said to him. But these words are true, they might not be so sweet to hear. But he's just being true and that's what I like about him.
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